As you all know by now I am a security guard at a mall down here in North Carolina (and if you didn’t know read my last post.....). So I get to see a lot of weird and down right stupid stuff at work, especially now that I work 3rd shift. It runs the gamete from a kid running into a concrete pylon to people dressed up like Boba Fett, and everything in between. Not to mention the crazy stuff my coworkers say and do (*shudder*). Its almost too much for me to put in one post (so I wont). So here is one notable experience I have had as of late....
*DISCLAIMER....ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED OR OMITTED DUE TO LEGAL ISSUES * That being said I will however use nicknames, aliases or any other descriptive names that we have used in-lew of real names.
This actually happened today....
It is 8 o’clock and I am outside of our movie theater, and I look out into the parking lot and I see a man and his wife (assuming) get out of their car. No big deal right........ oh noooooooo..... as this guy hops out of the car I turn around to help a mall customer and then turn back to him and all I see is this guy in a wheel chair (not to be mean or make fun of handicapped people) with no legs and 2 metal rods sticking out of his stumps. The guy looks like a war vet so I pay him no mind and keep moving along on my patrol. The key part to this story is I was the only one to see this guy and you really don’t forget something like that. About an hour passes and we get a call over the radio that *a big chain shoe store* was hit, and the person that committed the larceny was in a wheelchair and had no legs. No one could give a good description of the guy because he was in an out of the store so fast that no one really saw him. At that point I am thinking to my self...... “ this can’t be some coincidence, this was the same guy I saw earlier...... its not everyday you see a double amputee.” So I get on the radio and give a description of the guy, bare in mind we are trained to give descriptions that everyone can get. So I had to tell everyone the guy had no legs and he had metal spikes coming out of his stumps (I wasn’t trying to be funny or mean it is just how we are trained to give out descriptions, you have to remember the more memorable the description the better chance we have of catching or finding the people.) Now we have the police that are off duty working the mall looking for this guy. I just happen to be outside our main entrance when 2 people approach me. They look really nervous and are kind of frantic. They tell me they are looking for a tall white female (now the next sentence I am going to say came directly out of their mouths) and she is pushing a guy in a wheelchair and he aint got no legs, they are stumps and we are his ride...... I cannot make this stuff up, even if I tried.... Also this is the first time that I have ever had a larceny happen and the get away driver can’t find the person and go looking for our help. So naturally I play dumb and I be super nice and get on the radio and tell everyone that I have 2 people that are looking for a man in a wheelchair with no legs ( everyone is already looking for this guy and knows what is going on) they are his ride and are worried about him. At that point the police come up behind me and as nice as he could be asks where they are parked (so he knows where to go to bust the guy if they do wind up finding him) and they are more than happy to tell him where they are parked. Now at this point myself, the police officer and 2 other security guards are in disbelief that these 2 people are basically going to lead us to the larceny suspect. Another 5 mins passes and low and behold they come BACK to me and tell me they found him, so again I get on the radio to let everyone know where this guy is and that the 2 people have found him. At that point the police go to where the suspect is and arrest him for larceny.
Now this is where it gets funny..... to certain people. As they bring the suspect back to our office, they 2 people that I was so nice to and very helpful finally figure out that I was playing them for information on the whereabouts of the suspect come out of the main entrance that I am posted at. When I tell you if looks could kill..... i would have been a dead man. they stared me down the whole way to the door, going out the door and heading to their car. All I could do was laugh, because criminals and there friends are really really dumb sometimes. So now as the situation calms down and we locate the stolen merchandise we discover he has hit about 5 other stores in the mall as well (you never think of a man in a wheelchair to do stuff like that but in this line of work its common). After its all said and done the man is leaving our office to go to his car which is in the back lot of our office.
*IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR FIND THINGS THAT ARE WRONG UNFUNNY PLEASE SKIP THIS NEXT COUPLE OF SENTENCES*
As he is leaving the office he goes to leave and as he does one of our officers walks out side and finds the guy on the ground..... he misjudged the curb in his haste to leave, he basically face plants on the ground (yes people were laughing, not because he might have got hurt, it was because the guy was a douche bag). To make things worse he had been insulting the officer. So although he is disabled, karma is a bitch..... THEN his wife is driving the car and nearly (and when i say nearly she was about 3 inches away) hits the police officers car, needless to say I got most of this on camera (and no it is not worth losing my job to post the video).
That is just one experience I have had working this job. I have a ton more but they will have to wait till next time. Like I said before some will be sad, some will be funny and some will just leave you scratching your heads.
Till next time...... Yeknom now, or Yeknom later.... its all Yeknom!
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